Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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