I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
