So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
