I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
