READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
