i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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