"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
