shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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