my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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