so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize