butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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