Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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