Well douche your snatch and let's go!
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize