i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
