You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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