Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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