I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
