So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
