Screwed.edu
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
