Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
