Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
