walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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