Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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