Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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