kristin has been a bad kristin
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
