In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
