i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
