dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize