I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
