At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
