chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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