my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
ok first of all what the fuck
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
