Umm I'm too high to move.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
