I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
