I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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