The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
