Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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