HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
