At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
