Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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