Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize