Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
my liver is dry heaving
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
