I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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