he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's rum buckets o'clock
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
