remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
