Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
