Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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