weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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