I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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