She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
