u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
