so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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