I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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