my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
