i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
