And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
