oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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