College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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