im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
