DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize