Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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