i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Where are you guys?
Drunk
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
