in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
