Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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