I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
