If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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