What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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