im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
