I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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