Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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