That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
