i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
