we're blogging at a bar
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
