she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
