i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
