you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he thought i was a dude.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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