I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Randomize
