who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
