Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
