walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
