so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
