It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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