Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
