I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
