remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
