Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
