my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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