Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
