Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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