I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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