...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
