it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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