dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
