what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
