So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
